Up Until Now

What I’ve been going through has been dark

It stinks, just like a fart.

I tell myself to escape, is that very smart?

I’m not some hero with a cape

I’m another statistic on a chart.

The human experience is scary, like being a kid with a fear to clear the fence, barely.

But, your friends keep you dare-y.

They’ll say: “Hey scaredy cat

You cant clear the fence

Feeling like that.”

Some hold fear, dearly.

But speaking clearly is something you cant do if you don’t feel cheery.

Suppressed rage at the age of twenty-three has me screaming, “set me free!”

Let me leave, let me leave

This weight is exhausting whenever I breathe.

I tease, I kid, I joke

But life’s breeze feels like acid and I begin to choke.

But, I have hope.

Better yet, faith.

New Year – 2015

This year I’ve experienced hell and heaven.

Well, it feels quite swell being Devin.

Back and forth to New York,

The cries and the laughter;

The quiet and the chatter;

The things that do and don’t matter;

My eyes hold the cold and intimate memories.

Some drowned and some better me.

When I think of Cat,

I feel oh so feathery,

But some-what weather-y;

A love that’s unpredictable like the oceans,

Some days are a coast and others are a roast.

Molten hot and Arctic cold,

But, I’ve smoked enough pot to ever feel old.

I’ve shared jokes.

I’ve been choked.

I’ve been damaged, bruised,

Lost and so confused.

I free write just to find some insight that’s

Locked inside my mind with no light.

I’ve fought what was out of my control and I’ve sought for the power that I hold.

Hours passed quite fast and those

Hard times we though would never pass,

They made space for the happiness to last.

I learned to love myself,

Sure, it took some help but I still did it.

Whether I’m lost or found

The journey is what makes me proud.

True Loves Feeling

Have you ever woken up

out of a dream breathless?

I have, she’s standing right in front

of me.

Taking my heart away like she’s playing


I lose myself when I stare into

her eyes,

Clearly mesmerized and

quite close to hypnotized.

A green dream that I’ve never even seen.

All I saw was darkness till’ a beam

of light overcame my sight.

When we hug I feel very snug,

floating away to another plane.

What I view is you standing in my eye


I claim to LOVE you and I know

I bug you.

You probably feel like I tug you:

“Come this way, follow me.”

But, really, I’m just a hollow me.

For many years,

Too many fears have had control.

So I stay on guard like I patrol

a precious yard.

Love is hard.

Love can go far.

Love can be locked away, in an air

sealed jar.

Love is fire red or

Black like tar.

You inspire me, once in dire need

Life was surly tiring.

Once our lips touched,

our souls hugged.

Mine, latched upon forgetting time.

We were here and now,

We are gone.

It’s funny, love pops up out of a hole

like Bugs Bunny.

He asks:

“What’s up doc?”

So I simply respond:

“Just a little love shocked.”

We argue, we bicker and

when we’re miles apart I feel much sicker.

Sicker than a STD dick or,

An Ebola patient.

You’re so comfortable.

So lovable.

I watch you in the nude and

can’t help but exude this love

for you.

I know you’re internally broken.

So it’s hard externally for you to be so open.

I saw you walking and underneath

the dark and broken was a soul

as bright as the whitest teeth.

I know I’m not the most intellectual,

and you may not see me as something sexual,

But, deep down our connection is celestial.

You get so stressed and I do my best

to bring you comfort and open ears.

But, when you tell me you love someone

else, it brings me nothing but tears.

I’ll have you know, that I still love you

no less, but much more.

Everyday we grow and there’s much more

that I adore.

You are afraid and that’s okay.

This is new, spontaneous, so you don’t

know what to do.

So when you need your space,

I’ll soar to the galaxies.

There’s extreme energy waves

when you’re sitting right next to me.

You ask if I truly love you,

Your mind is a dueling bubble,

in which you might want to escape.

You don’t control your fate and neither

do I.

No lie, it’s beyond the powers of the sky.

I traveled a thousand miles for over

a thousand smiles.

Something that I haven’t felt in a very long


Something that makes me feel, like

a young child.

Butterflies flutter when they fill my gut.

My love was locked away like King Tut.

Now, at the surface, I am vulnerable.

But, you accepting me for me is so very admirable.

Today, I’ll say, at this moment I’ve

attained something I can no longer contain.

It bursts from my chest and

it surfs on my brain.

I love you, there’s no more that I can explain

other than, that truly,

our lives have changed.

The Lane I’m In

The laughter that explodes from your mouth

Brightens the light inside my cortex.

Your touch heats up the temperature

In my body.

I love that you enjoy comedy

And I also love that you are far from

Being snobby.

Your red cherry lips;

All the way down to your hips.

Your physicality cannot be skipped.

Your smile is as wide as the open sea.

Your eyes investigate when you look closely.

What I feel is so hard to explain,

Your outline is stuck in my brain,

Between the light and the dark

Can we meet in the middle?

I admire your smarts

So I hope you get this riddle.

We shall meet on the other side

Of the coast.

We can go for coffee,

I’ll show you my favorite roast.

I’ll hold you close, my one and only dear.

Around you, my fears frequently


I think of growing old and I don’t want

To be alone.

Around you I’m not on my own.

The Lane I’m in is the right

Way to go,

The Cat I know

Is beyond beautiful.

The King In I

The power of my brain is

Out of hand and out of mind.

So I find myself ahead, rather than



But, sometimes my mind gets

Ahead of itself.

Run away I say,

No not today, not this time.


Why try and fight yourself?

Why show that you have the spine?

Just know you’re one of a kind.

Let the feeling of time dissipate,


Sit for just ten minutes and concentrate.

With your eyes closed, eradicate

All unwanted stress and hate.

You’ll feel the world allow you to levitate.


What I feel and see is partly real

And surreal.

Looking up and not seeing teal;

The sky red like the blood when it reaches oxygen.

The sun black like one who attacks a king

And his following.


The tip of the sword that punctures the body,

Your structure of murder is more than a hobby.

A religious act of sacrifice;

One who believes they have the eyes and a soul

Of ice.


Colder than the boulder that fell from a cliff.

The rhythms of life are the notes of a riff.

Being crushed by fate, the weight of a boulder;

You now burn from no flame, it’s a shame

You’ll have to smolder.


Now that the king is dead, perished from

My head,

I live for myself and thank all that has led

Me toward rewards.

Friends For Life

We were friends for life,

But today you left us

All behind.


One thousand miles or more

You’ll travel just to score

Bigger than you did here.


For American currency

You will slave away your soul,

Watch it go right out the door.


Me, I could be broke or poor

And happier than the man with

The most money in his bank account.


When the job is done

Are you going to return home,

To your friends or work alone.


We were friends for life

Until you made the choice

To work and gain a wife.


The Love I Have

The love I have is larger

Than the circumference

Of the Earth.


I love to give it away for free,

I have an endless amount

On a shopping spree.


My love is like the hug

Given from a child,

Soft and gentle.


I have so much love because

I’ve been so hurt,

Been beaten, blackened like the dirt.


My love is a third degree burn,

It might hurt a bit but I

Guarantee you’ll have learned.


The love I have won’t

Go with me to the grave,

It’ll circle the atmosphere.


The Weeping Man

The thought of you makes me hopeless.

We’re never to be, and I know this.

Once happy,

We were the closest.

Until it seemed like you lost focus.

It wasn’t just me who broke us.

You suddenly left and I wept.

Days on end, left wondering,

Everyday, It’s the same old thundering.

Nothing I hear can stop the silence.

I’m sincere far from violent.

I feel as though I’ll wither and die

Without you by my side,

My liver, drowned in rum,

No feeling, completely numb.

You left and I fell apart,

Everything suddenly went dark.

My vision, stuck in a blur

Every word said, is a slur.

I curse the air you breathe!

I wish that you see, me,

Where I am.

I fall every step, I cannot stand.

I weep and feel like no man.

You said things changed,

Things were not the same,

As they used to be,

I refuse to be, left all alone.

Kill me, use all of your stone!

Rocked to death, or every step left,

Will be filled with weeping.

Beautiful Life

All I see are trees,

The browns and the greens,

The roots under ground, hold them firm.

I still have so much to learn.

On the road I see snow.

The mountains in the winter, do get cold.

Zero or below,

My body shivers, so much my bones begin to quiver.

To find my center, I enter,

A meditative state.

It’ll help my waves flow much more straight.

Better, late than never

Forever, I do endeavor

A better feeling, releasing thought

Not concealing.

The weight lifted,

Strong and gifted,

Life’s picture to be depicted

Beautiful art, life is exquisite.