What The Fuck Are We Really Doing Here?

I hear a lot of talk and people questioning why or what we are really doing here. Well in this work of writing I plan to cover what I have figured out with this thing called “life”. I will share my experiences, lessons and stories I have accumulated over the years of growth. Let me introduce myself, my name is Devin Pickett I was born and raised in Tampa, Florida. Birthed by Dawn Myers and John Pickett. They soon divorced after a few years and were mainly raised by my mother and stepfather Michael Myers. I am now twenty-one years old and what seems like a life time of lessons and information I have picked has only been about ten or so years. Now when the question “What are we really doing here?” comes up I respond with this, “Living.” I get the strangest look when I answer that question with one word. A lot of us like to try and go so far in depth with life that we actually forget we are living. In the simplest term that’s one of the things I believe we are doing here. We live on this Earth it is our home. Allow me to share one of my experiences with the psychedelic drug dimethyltryptamine (DMT). I have had three magnificent experiences from this drug and now that I am sober and clean I see now what it has taught me. The first time taking this DMT I was very nervous, as I knew it was going to be something very different that I was used to like Marijuana. I knew it was going to change how I viewed life and show me the deepest things in my mind. When I inhaled for the first time I felt a warm hug full of energy go through my body. I was with a buddy of mine. Being very scared I grabbed his arm and began to show my appreciation to him. I saw his future through my mind it was very amazing! After that I was shown waves of light as I kept my eyes closed and began meditating. The trip wasn’t long maybe ten minutes the most. Before that I was constantly searching for life’s meaning and at the point I knew what we as human beings are doing here. “The purpose of life is a life of purpose, so I’d rather die for a cause then live a life that is worthless” words from hip hop lyricist Immortal Technique. Those words flew through me. We are meant to be living beings.  After my next two trips I took in a span of about a month or two I learned so much not only about life but also about myself. I had a lot of self-realization moments where I saw the path I was on and if I kept on that path I would not be living as well as I should be. I lived my life and drowned my pain and sorrows in marijuana. Granted marijuana is a wonderful plant and can do so much. I began using for the wrong reasons. So I gave it up and haven’t looked back since. In this life we are meant to live and learn. That’s exactly what I saw when I hear “What are we really doing here?” or “Why are we here?” Our every day living can teach us so much about each other. When we pay attention to others rather then ourselves. Paying attention to how we feel and how we act can teach us so many different things. I like to tell people when they’re feeling down about themselves that they have a purpose. Their purpose is to live and to learn.

Another thing about life we must realize is that we as humans are constantly changing. If you notice the seasons we move with them. When we go from summer time wearing shorts and t-shirts then to winter and we’re wearing long jeans and big coats. Humans move with the change just like that. I have come to the conclusion that if we do not change we will constantly feel a sense of worthlessness. At this point in my life I will call myself an Optimist. Before that I was a very pessimistic human being. Always so negative about what was happening in my life, before realizing I was only doing those negative things myself. Putting so much hate out there I was only getting hate in return. It wasn’t until after reading some very inspiring books and experiencing the psychedelic drugs that I had to change how I was living. Now let me tell you, it wasn’t easy at first to kick those old negative habits out but with a lot of hard work and self motivation I replaced them with the most positive things I could think of. First by starting to feel good and being grateful for what I do have. Unlike before when I would complain about what I didn’t or what was going terribly wrong in my life. I can feel a lot of people who aren’t living how they are supposed to. That’s fine and only they have to see that for themselves. You can only guide you cannot pull. Some may never even see that they need to change and some will. We live on to find out what we’re doing is right or wrong. To me, it’s all a feel. Just like when you get those goose bumps all over your body when you hear a favorite song or a song that makes you FEEL good. Change can also bring that same feeling into your life. The power is in your hands even if you don’t believe it; the power is always there. I myself used to be terrified of change and at one moment of meditation I let go. We like to hold on to things like they are our possessions when really a memory or a material is just something that we feel we can control. The world has come a long way in the past hundred or so years. I believe we can only go further if we let go of the things that have already happened in the past. Holding on to these things can really damage us in the long run. I held on to many negative memories like being physically abused at the age of five or six, having severe problems with anxiety at the age of eleven to the point where I would throw up numerous times not wanting to go to school. It took me a couple of years to really get over those things and let them go. I have no control over the past and neither do you. Yes there is pain and the pain is like a seed, it digs its roots deeper and deeper the longer we go without dealing with the issue. So we’re always changing for better or worse, humans are forever changing.

Not only is this little thing called life about living, learning and constantly changing I believe it is also about searching for self worth. What I mean be this is that we as humans live a journey filled life. Searching for self worth can be having a baby, having strong faith, or having a significant other. These things can make a human feel as if they were worth all the money in the world. For me I find my self worth in writing, it’s what I love to do it’s what I know how to do. I find purpose in the words that I know how to use. Let me give you an example of this self worth. I know a man who is a manic depressant, suffers from alcoholism and always told himself he wasn’t worth jack shit. I watched this man commit suicide twice in my lifetime and he survived both times. After years of counseling and medication testing he began to feel what you could call “normal”. Well one night of drinking he met a woman whom he didn’t know would change his life forever.  This woman made it her will to take care of this man for the rest of his life. She knew he was sick and loved him for who he was. After a year of them dating on evening in December she took a pregnancy test and it came to be positive. I will never forget the look on this mans face when he saw his baby born after the nine months his fiancée was pregnant. He knew that he had found his purpose his self worth. The feeling of being whole, knowing you will never be alone in the world was this mans self worth. I saw this man at rock bottom and at the very top of the totem pole. I have learned over the years that we are always looking for that moment where we can feel like Hercules, king of the throne, on top of the world. Those are the nouns that make use feel whole. I say whenever you find it grab a hold and never let go; that is self worth.

When I ask myself what the fuck we are really doing I like to answer it with losing and gaining. What I mean by this is that as humans we have gone through our lives losing whether it is lives, possessions, jobs, etc. I see it as losing something to gain something greater. I’ll give you a bit of an example: A few years back I fell in love for the very first time. I gave this relationship my all. This woman was my world and I made sure of that. When I started seeing a difference in her personality and realizing she was not as in love with me as I was she. This crushed me! I came to find out that she cheated on me and we soon broke up after that. Even though I didn’t want this to happen, deep down I knew I had to let it go. I was losing my girlfriend to gain deep intelligence about myself. I realized that I was living with my happiness through someone else. Which if not noticed and changed can really make your living very difficult. Now I’m not saying this happened overnight it definitely took a couple of years to get through. At first I was very scared to let it all go, which is a natural feeling for us humans. We get comfortable and attached to what we know and like. So when this relationship ended for me, which lasted about a year or less it was all I knew how to do. To terrified to get back into the playing field I decided to go deep into myself and learn about me. Years later I am the happiest I could ever be for me and no one else. But like I said it wasn’t overnight it took years of self-examination, finding my faults and realizing I was the only one doing the damage that was going on in my life. (For the most part that was in my control) A lot of the unhappiness I was feeling I believed for the longest time was due to things in the past or allowing people to destroy my joy. When I finally decided to LET GO of all the things from the past and get rid of the people not making any difference in my life positively, I then realized I was gaining self enlightenment. I lost something and gained something greater. We all know what it’s like to lose a family member or friend. I happen to know a few people who have passed on to the next life. Some were young and some were old. For the young ones I see their parents still holding themselves responsible for the deaths of their child when clearly it was out of their hands. People will beat themselves up to a pulp over death and I have reason to believe that is our attachment to these people. I understand it can be very painful but in the long runs if we don’t let go, that pain only digs deeper and deeper. When my grandfather passed he away he was so young. He died from a brain cancer, which I believed was very unfair. He was one of the greatest men I had ever known. He was a pastor for the Methodist church and loved what he did and his people. I would think to myself “Why?” “Why would this God take a man so great from the greatness he had created?” What I had failed to see was that instead of seeing all of the good he had done I was looking at the horrifying disease. When I came to see all of the great and how much he affected the people around him so positively I couldn’t be hurt anymore. I knew he was still around everyone and myself whom he loved so much. Either by his wisdom he left behind or his pictures around the family. I had to lose him to gain something far more great than hate. I am left with this quote from him: “As I am about to stand on my own two feet you were there when I needed you, now that I am walking on my own, you are still where I need you most. I give you these footprints, to remind us both that no matter how old and how independent I become, you were there to help me stand alone.”

Humans are so fascinating to me! We are so curious to learn about ourselves and everything else. I have always looked a life as a movie. What I mean by this is watching from the inside out. What are we doing here? We are watching our lives from the inside to the outside. I’ve been called introspective for thinking like this but really look at it in my eyes. I’m writing this and you will be reading it. To me, that’s watching from the inside out. We humans if we are aware of our conscious we can realize that we are just temporarily here, watching. Granted everyone is watching from inside out it doesn’t mean we are feeling inside out. I love Charlie Chaplin’s quote “We think too much and feel too little.” This plays a big part in a lot of peoples lives. It even happens to me from time to time. I have to realize when I’m thinking way too much rather then feeling more like I should. I believe that’s where empathy can come into play. Humans have the access to be able to imagine what it feels like for others situations. While other animals on the planet cannot do that. If we realize were watching a big movie of ourselves we would have a lot more control with the way we live.  I remember a time where I was sitting outside meditating. After several minutes I started to see my eyesight changing from a humans to a serpents. I was looking at the world in the view of a cobra to be exact. I arose from my seat as a cobra sits upright. I looked around everything I saw was thermal and my body was full of scales. At the time I was very weary of what I was going through but I knew it was nothing negative. Maybe it was my spirit animal maybe it was my crazy out of this world imagination. Whatever it was I was still viewing from the inside out. What a psychedelic experience life is.

What are we really doing here? What the fuck are we really doing here? The last thing I would like to talk about is how humans are always creating and destroying or destroying then creating. All my life I see our humanity destroying life and creating something else. Look at it like this, we go into rainforests and destroy what the life in there has to create ways for humans to live. Is this right or wrong? That’s for you to decide. If you see it like me you’ll see how cities were made. Humans destroyed original land to create these massive sky scrappers and office buildings for their work. We also have nice houses now on top of what were once open fields for agriculture or animals. I also view this creating and destroying for myself. As in I wanted to destroy bad habits I had created growing up and created new ones for myself. For many years the human race has been destroying and creating so much. We have destroyed our people to create some sense of security. We destroy our habitat to create “useful” material. As time goes on the human population will grow and soon be destroyed. What will then be created, it’s not in us to know. All I know is what I see and what I believe.

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